


Secrets from a Broken past

by leahhamishHolmes221B



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-04
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2018-09-22 00:44:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9574355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leahhamishHolmes221B/pseuds/leahhamishHolmes221B
Summary: Takes place after Shirazu's death and Kaneki has left the Quinx squad. There is much bitterness and sadness following the remaining Q squad but with the appearance of strange dreams containing a dark past of a Black haired youth named Kaneki ken, will it change the way they see the CCG and the world?  Or will it cause more problems in the future?Sorry not great at summaries.





	1. 1

Mutsuki opened the door to the Chateau and stepped into the dimly lit hall, shaking the rain off his signature white coat and hanging it on the peg beside the door. Toeing his shoes off he said a soft "I'm home" before heading into the kitchen.

The house was deadly silent, no cheerful whistling came from the kitchen where a black and white haired man should be making dinner.

Nor the soft cursing and the clink of metal that usually floated up from the garage.

The large house felt cold and dark, as if ghostly hands will reach from the shadows and submerge anyone that comes close in its gloominess. Cobwebs danced as Mutsuki walked by cautiously poking his head into kitchen.

Breathing a sigh of relief after finding it empty. He opened the cupboard and stood for a few seconds staring blankly at the limited selection of instant Raman he found there. Reaching in and choosing the first packet that touched his fingers, before putting water on to boil.

He moved on autopilot and thinking about nothing in particular but not quite in the world of the living either.

With finesse which only came from practise did he pour the water into the cup of instant Ramen and head to the kitchen table with a spoon in hand. The salty noodles tasted bland in his mouth as he slurped them up in a mechanical way, only eating for the sake of eating.

The noodles would always pale in comparison to Sasaki's cooking. But nothing really could come close to it. It was amazing really, Mutsuki mused, at how a man who couldn't even taste the food he prepared could make something so good it would have your taste buds dancing.

The thought of Sasaki made Mutsuki glance at the chair at the head of the tiny table he was seated at ,as well as the one right beside it. It had been a month since Shirazu's death and Sasaki's departure to Arima's squad.

And yet still the Quinx squad was grieving over the loss of their friend and also their mentor. Shirazu's death had a massive impact on the group, Mutsuki tried his best to stay out of the Chateau as much as possible.

Even as to go so far as avoid the other members of the Q squad. The only way Mutsuki could avoid suffocating with the seemly constant lump in his throat was to go train with Juuzou whenever he was free and to not feel as useless as he was.

Urie had become even more distant and much more eager to move up the ranks. Kissing Masturi Washu's ass every chance he could but he seemed to be trying to stay close to his remaining team mates. Perhaps it was the scare that followed shirazu's death that made him a much more giving member of the team or that's what Mutsuki had come up with.

Saiko on the other hand had been the strongest out them. Mutsuki couldn't have been prouder of the short blue haired girl, Saiko has started to take her job seriously. No more late night anime marathons and sleeping in. But Saiko although sad at Sasaki's leaving the team defended her 'maman' and has said ; it was "his way of coping".

Urie on the other hand was furious at the newly nicknamed Black Reaper. Urie believed he had run away from them, abandoned them. "How dare he waltz off and leave us with this shit to deal with" was one of his chose remarks after things became heated when he saw their former squad leader heading out for a whack-a-mole mission, with a neutral expression on his face and barely a glance at his old squad mates.

Mutsuki sighed unhappily at the memory of a fuming Urie. (well him glaring at Sasaki's back and looking as of he wanted to stab him with a Quinque.)

Mutsuki stood up , throwing the now soggy noodles in the trash and headed towards his room. He flopped onto the bed, not bothering to change into his nightwear and stared at the dull white washed ceiling.

He lay there for what seemed like hours pondering in what he had learned with Juuzou and what had become of the q squad this last month. Shirazu's room still stood as it was the day he died. With no parents and his only living relative dying in the hospital no body came to claim any of his belongings. The members of the chateau hadn't the heart to move anything, not even his beloved motorcycle in the garage.

"Sassan saved us by putting his life on the line. If you call him a ghoul, then you're a bastard worse than trash. I'll kill you right here!" Mutsuki cracked a smile at the memory. Letting the memory wash over him.

Shirazu had nailed Urie in the chest with a kick sending him flying across the room, the q squad had just come back to the chateau after their run in with Serpent. Sasaki and Urie had a battle of dominance after discussing Urie's lack of judgement about handling serpent and how it put the whole squad in danger. Urie never respected sasaki thinking him inferior because of his status as a half ghoul and had told him as much by saying "I can't accept this.......even though you're a ghoul". That was the moment when Shirazu had deemed it time to kick the asshole. "Urie! You Trash!" he snarled, barring his shark like teeth and lifting Urie up by his shirt "Sassan saved us by putting his life on the line. If you call him a ghoul, then you're a bastard worse than trash. I'll kill you right here!". Urie grinned darkly "Just try it". Looking quickly between the two Mustuki tried to defuse the situation, "Urie, I'd like you... to apologize to Sasaki." Silence filled the sitting room as Urie cast his dark glare to Mutsuki instead, Sasaki quickly assessing the situation was getting out of hand had made Shirazu squad leader. Shirazu had maintained that title until the day he died. Unbeknownst to the q squad, Sasaki had went up to his room after the argument, leaned against the door and cried. The stress of the evening weighing down on him.

Mustuki was dragged from thoughts when a bolt of lightning flashed across the sky, lighting up the small bedroom. The clap of thunder followed suit and rumbled as if was a wild cat prepared to pounce.

Mutsuki heard the front door downstairs open and two pairs of feet trudge up the stairs, each to their own rooms. Mutsuki listened for a few minutes as the other two occupants of the house also got ready for bed. Mutsuki got under the large duvet on the bed, not bothering to take off his work clothes and closed his eyes.

Listening to the storm brewing outside.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Quinx are introduced to a familiar black haired child.

  Mutsuki fell quickly to sleep. The rumbling sounds of the storm echoing in the room drifted away into the blissful silence of sleep .   
The inky black  of Mutsuki's mindscape became molted with bright vibrate reds and blues, streaking the dull canvas.   
With a bright flash of light that mirrored the lightning streaming across the sky outside mutsuki's window. A spark of pain pulsed in mutsuki's temple at the overload of light, his breath hitched.

It suddenly stooped, the white fuzzing out to show outlines of various shapes . Mitsuki looked down at his dream self still dressed in his standard CCG uniform or that's what he could make out. He waited for the fuzziness to clear. Not paying any attention to a grey blur heading his way. 

At the last second he glanced up letting out a loud 'eekk' before dodging to the side. The grey blur ran past him. Mutsuki turned to see what it was, the outline of a dark haired boy with a little red bag on his back was seen crystal clear whilst everything else was still in the familiar fuzziness. 

Mutsuki decided to follow him, running to keep up with the quick child. The pair winded their way through the streets that had cleared enough to show a small neighborhood, with dull grey apartments lining either side of the narrow street.  

Mutsuki was still a few paces behind the smaller boy as the boy suddenly screeched to a halt before a large flight of stairs leading up to to the 3rd floor of apartments on this block . He didn't pause for breath before thundering up the steel steps that clanged with every step, Mutsuki hot on his heels. The boy  reached the floor heading  towards a pale yellow door with the paint pealing off and the number 12 pasted. 

All the apartments were in similar conditions , all at least 15 years old and not the best built. The boy opened the door and stepped into the narrow hall, Mutsuki followed suit. The boy ran into a small room at the end of the hall with a small kitchen attached. A beautiful woman with jet black hair pulled up into a messy pony tail and glasses placed on the bridge of her nose.   
She was bent over the small coffee table in the living room with wispy strands of hair hanging in front of her face. The strands swayed at her steady breathing, her almost flawless skin was marred with stress lines and heavy bags underneath her clear grey eyes. She was leaning over the table , carefully plucking the stray leaves off of beautiful white carnations and wrapping them in a bundle . 

The already finished ones lying innocently in a clear vase. The little  boy trotted over to the woman and swung off his red bag and knelt beside her. He reached into the depths of the bag and produced a thick book, that even Mutsuki would have trouble finishing . 

'Mama! Mama!' The little boy breathed out excitedly still out of breath from running home;shoving the large novel underneath the woman's nose. 

'I saw this in school, what's this mean? This one?' He pointed at a single word in the ocean of words printed on the page . 

Mutsuki watched from his position beside the front door , unable to see what had caught the small child's interest. The woman breathed out tiredly obviously used to this daily intrusion before carefully putting down the flower she was working on and dragging the novel closer to her. 

'Ah this one?' She asked . The boys head bobbed up and down. 'It can mean lush mountain or if you look metaphorically where one dies' she glanced at him seeing if he understood 'here let's go over it again'. 

She grabbed a blank piece of paper and a pen and carefully drew the kanji out, the boy studied the movements of her hand closely . She smiled and handed the pen to the boy and mentioned for him to try. The pair worked quietly for a few moments. 

The child's brow was scrunched up in concentration , biting his lower lip as he glanced at the character a few times and copied. His mothers watchful gaze over his shoulder. Mutsuki decided that was enough alone time to give the pair as the identity of the boy was still a mystery and the curiosity was burning him inside. 

Mustiki walked over to where the pair were working and walked to the other side of the coffee table facing them. He knelt down so he was at the boys level and looked at him closely. The boy couldn't have been more then seven years old, his face , arms and legs still had the pudginess of baby fat. Jet black hair identically to his mothers framed his face with bangs across his forehead and cut short. His brows were scrunched over his enormous light grey eyes that sparkled with the innocence of youth. 

His checks were lightly flushed as he glared down at the paper detriment to learn the hard character. He wore a grey and blue long sleeved shirt and dark navy shorts. The more Mutsuki looked at him the more convinced Mutsuki became that he had seen that expression before. 

'Awww he is so kawaii!!' A voice squealed behind him. 

Mutsuki jumped ten feet in the air and turned around. Standing behind him stood his team mates from the Q squad . The short blue haired girl was bending forward to look properly at the little child , cooing in adoration . 

The taller male with short purple hair and three moles underneath his eye stood slightly behind her against the wall looking around the room disinterested. He momentarily glanced at the child at the sound of Saiko's voice before examining the tiny room again.

'What are you doing here?' Mustiki gasped, his heart still racing after the fright. 

'I don't know, maybe we've been abducted by aliens and this is there test simulation to see how humans function!' Saiko exclaimed with many hand gestures showing the aliens coming down .  

Mutsuki smiled fondly at her before turning back to the mother and child. The Quinx stood silently at the other side of the coffee table watching the child write and the mother discretely plucking the carnations again. 

The peace and quiet was destroy with sharp knocks banging the worn front door. 

The mother slowly placed the carnation back down on the table letting out a weary sigh. She got to  her feet and headed to the door, her shoulders hunched slightly as if she was carrying the whole world.  

She opened the door to show a beautiful middle aged woman with her make up and clothes done up to perfection. Her looks resembled closely the exhausted mother.  
'They must be related' Mutsuki thought.  
Urie walked over to the door to listen to the discussion between the two women. Mustiki and Saiko stayed with the boy who had stopped writing and clenched the pen tightly in his small fist, not even glancing behind him to see who was at the door.   
The voices at the door became more heated and the few words drifted their way into the house . 

'-lease Ken was sick last week. I couldn't go to work. I'll pay you more next we-' . 

Mutsuki frowned and glanced back at the small boy. The boy was still not writing and was watching the proceedings in the reflection of the vase, a guilty look on his face after hearing his name. 

The women went back and forward before the child's mother sighed in defeat and grabbed an envelope waiting on a table beside the door. She handed it to the woman, the woman opened it showing a thick wad of cash. 

The woman smiled evilly ,turned on her heel and left. The mother closed the front door , paused for a few moments before turning around and walking back to the boy. 

A heavy tension filled the previously happy atmosphere. The child's earlier smiles were no where to be seen and the innocent glint was gone from his eyes. He fidgeted nervously before carefully continuing his writing and his mother knelt beside him before continuing her work. 

The two worked in deathly silence.

'It's the sister. ' 

Mutsuki jumped again and found that Urie was behind him having returned from his position beside the front door.

'W-what?' Mutsuki questioned. 

Urie refrained himself from rolling his eyes.

'The woman at the door. She is the child's aunt, she came asking for money. Apparently she has a broken washing machine.'

' Bullshit you saw her clothes and that stuff caked on her face ! she had plenty of money to pay for a washing machine she's just using Kuro's mother' Saiko burst. 

Urie did roll his eyes this time, 'no shit' he thought. 

Mutsuki glanced at Saiko ,'Kuro?' 

Saiko smiled and pointed to the child with the jet black hair. 

The scene around them changed slowly fading out to white . The mother and child slowly disappeared to show an average classroom, children could be heard running around playing outside.   
The classroom was emptying of the students eager to go out and play . After a few minutes,The classroom was empty save for the same black haired child; sitting on his own at the back of the class. 

His nose was buried in another heavy book, oblivious to the empty classroom totally engrossed in his story. The Quinx squad stood beside the line of windows watching him. 

'Wow Kuro really likes books' Saiko piped up after a few moments , peering at the cover of the book. 

'Ken' 

Saiko looked at Urie questionably.   
Urie huffed irritably ' The mother said she was taking care of Ken remember, and I'm guessing he is an only child so his name must be Ken.' 

'Maybe she was taking care of someone else, you don't know that it's him. Anyway Kuro sounds cuter.' Saiko quipped back, sticking her tongue out childishly before flashing him a smile. 

Urie looked away and Mutsuki giggled quietly. Their conversation was interrupted when a loud voice called out in the classroom .

'Hey, why are you always reading books by yourself?'

Ken looked up from his book to see a boy standing in front of him. The boy had massive brown eyes and bleached bright blond hair that stuck up in every direction.   
Ken looked indecisive about how to answer before a quiet 'is that wrong ?'came out. 

The blond boy shot him a lighthearted smile that spread across his face before shaking his head.

' Nah nah nothing like that just wondering. I just moved here and I don't know anyone and I was wondering would you be my friend! Oh wait sorry , my name is Hideyoshi Nagachika but you can call me Hide!' 

The blond boy said this all in one breath before breaking into a face splitting smile before holding out his hand to Ken. Ken's grey eyes widened , completely baffled that someone was coming to talk to him and wanting to become his friend. 

He looked warily at the other boy for a few moments before stretching out his small hand and shaking the boys. 'My name is Kaneki Ken.' He whispered before offering a small shy smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed and that my spelling is right. I had to add the 12(tarot card) and the Kuro bit. Also Hide is one of my favorite characters and I really don't think he is dead in the manga (I hope) .


	3. Urie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is Urie's point of view.

          

The classroom faded out, I glanced at my two teammates . They had changed a lot since...since that time. Saiko was almost completely unrecognisable from the anime watching ,game playing fangirl she was in the past (well she does all those still). 

  But I  almost had a heart attack when Saiko came up to me a few months back asking if would train her, because according to her she wanted sexy abs like her Urie. (I think she meant her anime characters she fans over). 

Mutsuki ..... I have no idea what his problem is. Why is he avoiding us? I mean we are in pain too ; how dare he leave me with the weight of this whole team.   
  I thought that at least Mutsuki the shy, peace lover of the group would fucking see how much pressure this whole situation has on me .   
  Sasaki .......no he's not even worth my time thinking about. His behaviour isn't surprising coming from a filthy ghoul. I was pulled from my thoughts when the fog shifted to the image of a child's bedroom.   
  The room was small with bunk beds pushed against the wall. Posters of various bands and films  plastered all over the walls. The room was an absolute wreck, with clothes and books strewn across the floor.  
   Kaneki and Hide sat on the lowest bunk, a large duvet covering their shoulders. They sat cross legged concentrating on the small tv across from them , controllers in their tiny hands.   
  Hide stuck his tongue out in concentration, stabbing the buttons frantically. He wore a very loud yellow short sleeved  shirt that screamed sunflowers and happiness matched with blue shorts.   
   His wild dyed blonde hair stuck up in all directions as though he stuck his finger in a socket. Kaneki wore a grey long sleeved cardigan and a pair of navy jeans.   
   His brows were crunched as he glared at the tv also pressing the buttons more frantically . His dark hair was plastered to his face by a sheen of sweat. 

'NOOO!' Screeched Hide as he dramatically flopped on the bed. 

Throwing away the controller and fake crying over his apparent defeat. Kaneki said nothing but got up and turned the tv off with a shit eating smirk on his face. 

He sat beside Hide again and picked up his book ignoring Hide's cries of 'I lost! How can I live with myself'. 

  He glanced up at Hide an adoring smile on his face before burrowing in his nose in the book again. 

  I felt my lips twitch at the sight of the hyperactive blonde before I schooled my expression into my normal look of indifference. I turned to stare at the dark haired kid. Something about him just rings alarms bells for some reason. I'm not sure what it is, he seems normal enough maybe a little shy and nervous but nothing to warrant the anxiety in my gut. 

  Hide rolled over into his stomach , pouting at Kaneki. Said boy continued to ignore him.

'Kaneki.....KANEKI!' Hide moaned scooting closer to his friends .

'K-A-N-E-K-I'.

'What!?' Kaneki snapped glaring at the blonde. 

Hide ignored the sharp tone and continued studying the boy opposite him with a small frown on his face. 

'Why do you always wear long sleeves?' 

Hide pulled on Kaneki's sleeve. Kaneki didn't reply and turned the page.   
'Like it's 2OO degrees outside, how can you not be hot?' 

Kaneki shrugged and pulled his sleeves down further. I couldn't help but frown when I saw some of the boy's collarbone. 

I felt my stomach flip when a disturbing thought came into my head. I turned back to Hide and saw that boy's expression turned serious as he kept a steady gaze on his friend . 

He crawled over to his friend and sat up beside him, Kaneki fidgeted and glanced at him from the corner of his eye.   
Hide gently pried the book from Kaneki's small fingers and placed it on the bed. Kaneki cast him a glare of annoyance and confusion. Hide reached out slowly towards his friend and watched as Kaneki leant away from him slightly. 

He carefully wrapped his tiny arms around the other boys thin shoulders and pulled him into his chest. Kaneki froze completely ; his arms still dangling at his sides. Hide refused to let go instead clung on to his friend tighter and nuzzled his head in Kaneki's shoulder. For a few tense minutes Kaneki remained in his uncomfortable frozen state before he cautiously wrapped his skinny arms around Hide's middle and rested his head on Hide's shoulder. 

He relaxed completely into the touch with a small smile of contentment on his face. They stayed like that for what seemed like years. Hide didn't smile, but he seems to enjoy it by the almost desperate way he clung to the other. But I could see him gazing at a spot on the boys collarbone , A spot I couldn't tear my eyes away from. 

The scene blurred out again. I turned to look at the other two to see soft smiles on their face at the scene they witnessed. I can't help but pity them and a grimace made its way on to my face .

   'They are really cute, Kaneki seems to be more relaxed' Saiko spoke out suddenly still looking at the spot where the boys had been. 

Mutsuki smiled and nodded, I didn't bother gracing that statement with an answer. 

My mind still churning over that kid, who was he? And why am I even having this creepy dream?  

I glanced at Mutsuki trying to see what he knows. Unlike Saiko who was gushing over the absolute adorableness of the chibi boys and how they remind her of an anime about two high schoolers . (I can't block out everything she rambles on about). 

Mutsuki looked deep in thought with his brow furrowed, chewing on his bottom lip. It's seems he's noticed what I did but why does he look so nervous?  

I was torn from my thoughts when the familiar apartment of the small dark haired boy came into focus.  I moved into the sitting room, the others trailing behind me. 

I glanced at the tiny window and saw the pitch black of the night with the faint glow of street lamps and the pitter patter  of rain . 

The room hadn't changed since the last ...vision? The small coffee table and couch stood where they had been except the table was free of the white carnations. Except for a single vase with red spider lilies .

   I spotted Kaneki coming in with his bag. He placed his bag on the table before standing awkwardly in the sitting room. I could make out from my position  his worried expression. He was wearing the same clothes we had seen him in earlier , maybe it's the same day? 

Kaneki paced backwards and forwards mumbling to himself and wringing his bony hands. The house was deathly silent , none of us Quinx made a sound. 

Something was wrong. The house was too quiet,too cold and too empty. The happy image it had portrayed in the last vision had been whipped clean. The only sounds were of Kaneki's feet thumping as he paced. 

He paused several times glancing at the clock . The front door clicked , Kaneki stopped dead in his tracks . His breath caught in his throat and he stared wide eyed as the door was pushed in. 

Us invisible bystanders mirroring the child's actions. The door revealed a haggard middle aged woman, Kaneki's mother. I couldn't help but let out a relieved breath I must be worried over nothing and I could see Saiko and Mutsuki having similar thoughts. 

Kaneki let out a shaky breath but his nervous expression remained on his face. He quickly ran over to his mother, taking the bags from her grasp before he hurried into the kitchen and put the shopping away. 

The woman walked into the sitting room unknowingly walking past us, she stopped and stretched . Kaneki came back into the room slowly, barely in from the doorway. 

He let out a soft 'Mama?' A look of irritation flashed in the woman's eyes before she turned to him. 

'What is it sweetie?' 

  'Ummm eh' he stuttered nervously.

  ' Spit it out' she snapped angrily. 

Kaneki shrunk into himself , picking on his sleeves.

   ' Hide and his mam are-are going to the 1st ward to go to a big book shop and I was-I was wondering if I could go?' He glanced nervously at his mother.

   The woman's expression turned kindly as she walked up to him rubbing his cheek gently.

'Of course you can sweetie.' 

Kaneki smiled softly but the nervous expression still remained on his face. The woman turned around heading back to her room when the boy's voice stopped her. 

'Mama....i was good right?....I think I've been good so ca-can  I have some money to get some books?'  

The woman froze in her tracks, her back was to him. 

'Ken do you know how much money we have?' The woman asked cooly her voice deathly calm. 

I couldn't help but feel my stomach tighten in anxiety. All colour drained from Kaneki's face.

   'Not a lot Mama ' he whispered not daring to look at the woman in front of him . 

'I give you everything, food , a warm bed and the clothes on your back. I kiss up to those assholes in order for us to eat. And you ask for something so selfish , you ungrateful brat after all the things I sacrifice for you ' she  turned around to Kaneki her eyes flashing in anger. 

The woman's face was livid as she stalked towards to boy. And slapped him hard across the face jerking the child's head to the side quickly. Shocked tears formed in Kaneki's eyes as he stumbled back into the wall , shaking as he held his injured cheek. 

'I do everything for you and this is how you repay me by asking for stupid, selfish favours!' 

She brought her fist up and smashed it into the side of the boys head with enough force he went flying towards the floor. The boy lay on the ground stunned and groaning from the throbbing in his head. A swift kick found its way into his ribs. Forcing the air out of Kaneki's lungs, he curled up in a ball and held his arms around his head. The Quinx were all frozen unable to comprehend what was going on or regain their senses to try and help the child. 

   'How many times have I told you to be good and be grateful for what's being given to you' she screeched. Stomping the boy hard with her foot, aiming for any exposed part. 

Kaneki whimpers and cries out between pained breaths  'I'm sorry,I'm sorry ,sorry mama I'll be good sorry mama, I love mama sorry sorry I won't ask for anything sorry sorry.' He screamed in pain as felt  another kick to his stomach. 

His arms flew to his stomach leaving his head unprotected , a sickening crush can be heard as a kick right into his face left his mouth and nose in ruins. 

Blood dripping and staining the cream rug. After what felt like hours to the small boy and Quinx squad but in reality a few minutes the beating had ceased . 

The woman breathed heavily before kneeling down and stroking the boy's raven locks, he flinched away from the touch and whined. 

I wanted to go over there and rip the bitch off and punch her in the face. I'll show her what it's like for someone much stronger then her , giving her a taste of her own medicine . The woman sighed at the boy before saying sadly with a fake frown on her face .

'I'm sorry sweetie I lost my temper, you know I didn't mean too. I just get to frustrated when you ask questions like that. ' 

The boy did not respond but lay limply on the floor.

'This stays between us , ok?' She asked with an edge to her tone 'I don't want to lose you over a little accident.'

A subtle shift of kaneki's head signalled a nod which seemed to satisfy his mother as she got up and walked out of the room . Leaving the broken boy on the ground. After a few moments, Kaneki let out a gut wrenching sob. 

He slowly sat up , his nose still dripping blood. He started rocking backwards and forwards , his arms clenched tightly around him. His breaths become ragged from silent screams as his whole body shook. 

He grabbed his hair roughly and continued rocking faster, his breathing coming quicker and quicker. 

'Shit' I gasped. 

Realizing the symptoms, I moved for the first time since the abuse happened . 

The kid was hyperventilating in panic his back heaving in the midst of it. His pupils blown in almost animalistic panic. He started clawing at his neck , not helping his breathing in the least. I tried to touch him but my hand went through. 

I wanted to punch myself in the face, of course I couldn't help him this was a fucking dream. (Dumbass).  All I could do was kneel beside him and watch as the kid rode out his panic attack alone. 

I watched him get to his feet , hours later and head to his room. He crumpled on to the bed like a puppet with its string cut.

   I watched the boy sleep for a few minutes before heading back to the sitting room where the other two still stood in shock. 

Saiko had rivers of tears running down her cheeks, she was clutching onto Mutsuki 's shirt. 

Sobbing into his shoulder and Mutsuki looked dead and lost, just staring blankly into the space in front of him while curling and uncurling his fists. 

A lump had formed in my throat, as I kept my rage tightly in my chest.   
I knew it as soon as I saw that kid's collarbone, bruising the shape of finger marks. 

Fuck how fucking useless was I. I stood here and watched as an innocent child asked a simple question but instead got beaten half to death as an award. It's like Shirazu all over again, I couldn't protect anyone! 

   The three of use stood in tense silence each thinking of the small happy dark haired boy in the next room. Who wasn't obviously that happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww poor Kaneki never gets a break. I've decided not to add anything about Mutsuki's mental state because at this time in the manga it wasn't clear. Hopefully I did alright.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Urie wakes up from his dream.

Urie watched the swirl of the mist. The room darkened to black, Urie glanced down to find his body gone. 

He couldn't see anything, everything was completely silent . Urie tried calling out to the others but no sound came out. 

He silently started to panic , trying to feel his own face but felt nothing. Urie's eyes snapped open and a screech was let out of his parched throat. 

He scrunched his eyes tightly against the bright light of the early morning sun shining in his bedroom. He groaned , sitting up in the bed and stretched his arms above his head. He gazed blearily around the room . His eyes falling on the far right corner of the room where is easel stood proudly . 

 

Flecks of Reds,blue and all sorts of colours decorated the wall behind the easel. Remains of the last time Urie got too 'passionate' (aggressive) with his last painting. 

A dull throb made itself known in Urie's temple . He growled in frustration , kneading his temples . The memories of his dreams the previous night came bursting in . The image of a small dark haired child stayed in his head.

  'What the hell was that?' He thought as he forced himself out of the warm confines of the duvet. 

He stumbled across the hall to the shared bathroom only clad in grey boxers. He relieved his bladder and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked much paler then usual. Dark bags sagged underneath his eyes almost as dark as his three moles dotted underneath his right eye . He glowered at his own reflection ; his slit like eyes growing even thinner. 

He scrubbed his face with water before strolling into his room and throwing his standard ccg uniform on. He snapped on his headphones before strutting down the stairs. 

Ignoring Mutsuki completely who was trying to stop his journey to the front door. The early morning sun peaked over the tall grey buildings lining either side of the narrow street. Urie took his time wandering towards the large white  CCG building a few roads away. 

 

He stuck his hands in his over large coat pockets , his head bobbing slightly in time with the beat of 'A wolf in sheep's clothing' playing through his ear phones . 

His mind began to wonder as he contemplated his dream. ' He must have smoked something funny ' he thought as he went over all that he had witnessed .  It felt so real as if they were his own memories.he swore he could reach out and touch them, which he had tried to (fucking idiot). 

The sunny boy with bleach blond hair popped into his head . Urie let a small sad smile flicker on his face. He reminded him of Shirazu, he couldn't help the mushy thoughts . They were just so alike with their up beat attitude's. He quickly shook his head snapping a bored look on his face . 

Shirazu is dead. 

And he will stay dead, didn't even get to bury him because those fuckers have him somewhere. He clinched his fists in anger, his fingernails digging into the soft pads of his hand. 

His thoughts turned back to the bright haired child, Urie just couldn't figure him out. Like everyone else ,he saw a goofy laid back kid who wants to have fun and is a loyal friend. But there is something else, Urie only caught a glimpse of it but he was sure he saw it. 

 

No doubt about it Hide knew about Kaneki's mother, he knew what was going on. And there was a dark look in that child's eye only for a second but it was there. The urge to protect his friend shone brightly in his dark brown eyes as he cradled his friend close to him. Urie for a split second understood , the helplessness of not being able to do anything and the silent vow of never letting it happen again at any cost . What the hell? The kid couldn't be older then seven or eight. It wasn't right for a child to have those eyes. Urie would never admit it but it made him extremely nervous . 

 

The other child , Kaneki Ken. Urie unconsciously started chewing on his bottom lip. He must have seen him before. He looks so familiar. Urie growled and wretched his mind from those thoughts. What the Fuck was wrong with him, he had shit to do today not think about some fictional snot nosed brat. He walked the rest of the way to the headquarters thinking about his work completely putting the dark haired child out of his mind. 

He continued his day in monotone boredom. He attended meetings (dull) , wrote reports (boring) and spent an hour an a half in a meeting with Masturi (unbearable , but god he needs that promotion . He likes being squad leader but god he'd like a life of his own! How did Sasaki do it?)  then finally seven o clock rolled by and he was free. 

Urie grabbed his coat and quickly scampered down the stairs heading towards the front door. He glanced around the lobby and suddenly spotted  the familiar heads of his teammates ,making a beeline for the spot he stood on. Urie pretended not to notice them and picked up his pace . Repeatedly glancing between the front door and the pair, the same bored expression on his face.

(2 metres) ......(A meter and a half) he was almost there, he poured on the speed while trying to seem that he wasn't. 

 

He could do it, he could make it. Just make it outside , then your free. A few hours in the gym, the others would be asleep when he got back to the chateau. 

 

He almost grinned at the thought of a peaceful evening. He glanced back at the pair and a bead of sweat rolled down the back of his neck when he saw the two speeding up, almost full blown sprinting to catch up with him. (No no!) he was almost there, his image be damned he started running the rest of the way. 

And just because he was so fucking lucky, he ran smack right into someone. 

He sent them sprawling to the floor, the other man's papers went flying into the air. Urie scrabbled to his feet and looked behind him and sulkily discovered that Mutsuki and Saiko had caught up to him. 

He growled in frustration before turning back to the man he bumped into. The man had already got to his feet and he had picked up the last piece of paper. Urie looked properly and bristled. 

The ccg's black reaper , The half ghoul and of course Haise Sasaki stood in front of him. Urie's expression darkened , the pair stood frozen just staring at each other. 

The temperature dropped and Urie felt as if his soul was being sucked into Sasaki's (familiar ) grey eyes. 

The tension broke like a rubber band when Sasaki dusted himself off, turned around and walked away. Urie gaze him a soul destroying stare as he vanished from sight. 

Mutsuki grabbed Urie's coat sleeve and dragging him further back into the building with Saiko following behind , totally ignoring Urie's longing looks at the front door. The trio winded there way through corridors till finally Mutsuki deemed a room safe and shoved Urie inside, locking the door behind them. 

Urie decided not to bother commenting on this strange behaviour but gave a very loud look of annoyance. Mutsuki smiled sympathetically and mouthed a small 'sorry' while Saiko just flashed Urie a beaming smile. 

'What do you want?' Urie questioned, leaning against on if the desks in the deserted room. 

Mutsuki and Saiko glanced at each other briefly . ' Have you ever heard of the name Kaneki Ken?' Mutsuki asked bluntly staring at Urie's expression. 

Urie felt his brain freeze for a moment. 'How does he know that name? It was a dream' Urie thought quickly realising that the thought of Mutsuki knowing his strange dream was ridiculous . Feeling much calmer , he had almost completely unreacted bar his fingers clinching in his lap momentarily. 

Mutsuki though had caught the slight movement and smirked in triumph. Deciding to feign ignorance to Urie's obvious knowledge of the name, Mutsuki just kept explaining .

'Saiko and I had the strangest dream last night. And we were all in it but we couldn't touch or communicate in the dream. It was almost like we are watching a film or a memory. It felt so really, I swore I could head the birds singing outside in the dream. Now this sounds absolutely crazy but we both had that dream at the same time and about the same person , Kaneki Ken' Mutsuki glanced up at Urie and saw him giving him his full attention. 

Urie was unwilling to admit that he had the exact same dream and his pride would not let them see the deep disturbing feeling he got when he saw those dreams. Mutsuki knew all this and kept staring at him, both stared in silence . Willing the other to say what was on their mind. But Saiko being Saiko took matters into her own hands. 

'Urie we know you had the dream so stop lying and tell us.' She pouted putting her hands on her hips and trying to look threatening with her short height. 

Urie looked from left to right at them both and grumbled under his breath about how ridiculous the whole thing was before nodding and confirming that he had also experienced the dream. His two teammates looked relieved to just tell him their findings without having to drag the truth out of him. The 'lightning dream' as Saiko had named it. 

Mutsuki reached into his satchel that hung around his shoulders and removed a thin folder from his bag and placed it on the table . 

'Well Saiko and I couldn't get him out of our heads, he just looked too familiar and we were curious as to why we are having these dreams. I went to the public office and asked for the public files and Saiko went to the sleep clinic' Mutsuki started thumbing through the folder before stopping in the page he wanted, he turned it around so Urie was able to see. 

The picture of the same child from his dream the night before stared up at Urie. 

'So he is real' Urie thought to himself grabbing the folder. The three of them began pouring over the foldr wondering why Kaneki looked so familiar. 

Unbeknownst to them someone had heard the entire conversation outside the door. The man turned away from the door and walked down the dim corridor pulling his black coat tighter around him and placing his glasses back on the bridge of his nose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry about the really late update. And I know the last chapter is a little confusing because it's in first person but I've decided to stick to third for the rest of the story. If I've spelt anything wrong or there's something wrong with the characters please tell me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saiko is a bit too intuitive for her own good.

Full name: Ken Kaneki

Gender: Male

DOB: 20/12/94

Weight:22.9 kg

Height:121.9 cm

Blood type: AB

RC level: 170

Parentage: *Mother: Ayumi Kaneki - deceased

* Father: Unknown-status unknown

Personal Traits: *Black hair

* Grey eyes

Incident Report 9/5/02 : 7:39 am - Emergency Call from the Kaneki residence.

8:03 am - Emergency services arrived and found Ms.Kaneki on the the sitting room floor with several injuries (see details enclosed at the end of report). Ms.Kaneki was declared deceased after failed attempts at resuscitation. The child of the deceased, Ken Kaneki is unharmed with slight symptoms of shock. Emergency Contacts for Ms. Kaneki have been notified.

9:15am - Statements have been received from the deceased's sister and her husband who have temporary custody over Kaneki Ken. There is no evidence of foul play.

(furthur details found in the file of the deceased)

 

 

Incident report 19/3/13 : 20:30-21:00- Kaneki Ken along with a fellow female student were involved in a construction accident (Futhur details are classified by The Comission of Counter Ghoul)

 

Saiko looked down at her hands as Mutsuki finished reading the file to them. She twisted her tiny fingers together trying to shove the swirl of unease in her stomach. She had gone to the sleep clinic earlier but it was a complete waste of time. 

They had never heard of anything like the 'the lightning dreams'. Saiko was pretty sure that creepy old medic that was manning the main desk thought she had lost her mind. Something was definitely off about this kid, he reminded Saiko too much of her Maman. He has those eyes. The same sad eyes that silently scream for help and comfort .

The three of them stay in silence , confusion hanging thick in the air. 

 

'Why is it CCG classified ? ' Saiko voiced her thoughts. 

The other two glanced up her before looking at the file again.

'Isn't it obvious?' Urie whispered, Mutsuki cast him a confused glance. 

'He's a fucking ghoul' he growled 'through that whole dream we didn't see him eat anything' . 

Saiko saw Mutsuki cock his head in contemplation before carefully choosing his words. 'Umm well maybe I guess, I think it's a little too early to assume things' he voiced quietly trying to defuse the awkward tension in the air. 

'Tsk' Urie rained in his outburst and Saiko returned to looking at her hands. 

 

He's been doing that a lot lately, his normally calm , controlled exterior is slowly creaking. Saiko wasn't an idiot; she could see right through him. It's been a month since Shirazu died and she only noticed recently that Urie was slowly killing himself.

 

He threw himself into his work barely giving himself any time to himself. He told them it was for the well being of the team but you know what? Saiko can call bullshit a mile away. He was just a coward, they both were. She was terrified to bring up the subject of her dead teammate encase of being pushed aside.

 

She barely saw the two of them at all lately .Urie was always at the office or in the gym and Mutsuki was always with other squads. But this Urie......the Urie that's been around is not her Urie and it breaks her heart every time she sees him. 

 

Sees the dark bags underneath his eyes highlighting sleepless night. 

Sees the same cold expression that tries to hide the pain in his eyes. 

Sees the man drowning in his own misery unable to ask for help because of his pride. 

 

But she can't she just can't, she wants to help but every time she thinks about what happened she wants to burst out in tears. What is she supposed to do? She's been trying to help by bearing some of the burden of the team. 

 

She's been hitting the gym and her all night anime marathons are almost non existent. Hey don't judge, there was no way in hell she'd give up completely , she just got some new Merch . And that one character is so hot, she just wants to lick......ok getting off topic . Her thoughts turned to her old mentor. She was tempted to go ask him for help , about Urie and about these dreams. When it came to Maman, Urie has made his feelings very clear about him .

 

Why can't he see that Maman is hurting too? Yes he's a little umm different but he's still in pain like the rest of the Quinx . Though Saiko can understand why Urie would feel a little betrayed. Sasaki did leave the squad and told Urie that Shirazu died due to his own weakness. Thinking back on it , Saiko had come up with the idea of tough love. There's no way her Maman would ever say anything like that without a reason and it would make sense that he'd say that to ruffle stony mac stonysons feathers to make sure nothing like that would happen again. 

 

She wonders if Maman had any younger siblings. He was just so caring towards the squad ; always mother Hening after them. She scrunched up her eyebrows in thought ;totally ignoring the other two who were still discussing the very limited information they had gathered.

 

Though actually thinking about Sasaki, he doesn't have any of his old memories. Which isn't very strange if he was seriously injured but for all the time she has known him no family or friends came to see Sasaki. Or any kind of information about things like that have kind of been ignored but why? She picked up the picture of the child again looking deeply at the grey eyes staring back at her. 

 

It's the eyes, those beautiful grey eyes that would give any manga character a run for their money. The more she ran her critical eye over the picture the more the dangerous idea she had in her head made sense. It's just this kid, this young child looks so lonely and hopelessly lost. Though she can see clearly that he is trying to hide his pain just like....... She gasped as she suddenly realised. 

 

The other two swizzled their head in her direction.

 

'Something wrong Saiko?' Mutsuki asked concern lacing their voice. It wasn't difficult for Saiko to realise Mutsuki's secret about his true gender.

 

'Ah uh' Saiko stutters nervously ignoring Urie's raised eyebrow. 'Haha oh nothing, it's a secret' she cheekily stuck out her tongue and winked with one eye.

 

Mutsuki scoffed before reading the file again but Urie didn't look convinced, his eyes boring into Saiko's. She just stared right on back with a large grin growing on her face at the 'game ' they were playing. 

 

Urie rolled his eyes before turning his attention to the locked door. 

 

' Ok if that's all we have to talk about, I have other things to do tonight' Urie rose to his feet ignoring Mutsuki's protests and Saiko's sad stare. He made his way towards the door, his white issued CCG coat disturbing the air in the room. 

 

Saiko had already returned to her thoughts barely giving any notice to Urie's departure before her nose caught a certain smell. She whipped her head around so fast she was surprised it didn't pop right off . She got to her feet and flashed to the door ignoring Urie's annoyed growl when she pushed right past him to reach the door. 

 

She threw the door open looking everywhere for the person that scent came from. She sniffed around for a few seconds but it was almost completely gone. She had a much better nose then the other two so they wouldn't be able to help. 

 

' What the fuck Saiko?!' Urie growled behind her, walking down the corridor in annoyance. Mutsuki also walked out of their room, folder tucked against their chest. Mutsuki looked at Saiko in concern for the weird behaviour but quickly dismisses it and follows Urie down the corridor. 

 

Saiko stood outside the room they had been occupying for a few more minutes trying desperately to find any more of that scent but it was almost completely gone now. 

 

But two things were for sure . 

 

Someone had been standing outside the door and Saiko was pretty sure that scent belonged to Haise Sasaki. His slightly floral scent of female ghoul had been so distinctive for those few minutes. Saiko had a bad feeling that her instincts had been right the whole time.

 

Days turned to weeks and nothing more was discovered about Kaneki Ken . No new dreams had plagued the team and soon the members had almost forgotten about them completely . Almost being the operative word. 

 

Saiko hasn't forgotten and she was determined to get to the bottom of it. She had gone on autopilot ,with her self proclaimed mission. She was about 97.63% sure that Kaneki Ken is Haise Sasaki. And why you ask well.....she just does ok.

 

I mean they have the same eyes and face as well she thought and Maman obviously eavesdropping at the door when they had first discussed the folder. And most importantly Haise Sasaki had no memories so proving that Kaneki Ken is Haise Sasaki would be near impossible. But the more she thought about it the more it made sense. It's the reason why the CCG would classify Kaneki's file , of course the CCG wouldn't want the public knowing that their ghoul investigator used to be a normal human. 

 

Saiko had tried to track down the Black Reaper during the last few weeks. But he was a slippery fish to catch, it's like he knew exactly where she was going to be and did everything in his power to avoid her. Saiko wasn't stupid and his constant avoidance of her helped solidify her theory. She just wanted to know the truth, she wanted to know the man behind that mask he wears. Or was the man she knew only a facade? And that's what scared her the most, was the glue behind the Quinx squad nothing more then a lie?. 

 

She had made a huge diagram on a board in her small room in the chateau. She'd connected the information with red strings and pins and even bought a hat and pipe to feel all 'investigative '. But even doing all that she is just as clueless as before. She has no solid proof , she barely knows anything about Kaneki Ken and Maman. She knows something is coming , she can feel it that's why she's been praying for any kind of information at all.

 

That night her prayers had been answered. Another 'lightning dream 'occurred and the Q's found themselves in the familiar misty environment of the dreamscape. The three of them nodded at each other as they waited to see what other tales of Kaneki Ken they were in store of tonight. 

 

The mist took form of a dreary rainy day in a tiny cemetery. A sea of black was making its way out of the cemetery gate leaving two small figures standing in front of a patch of freshly dig earth. The wind howled whipping the boy's hair and coats in every direction . Saiko and the others made there way closer toward the small figures already knowing who's funeral they were attending. 

 

Kaneki Ken stood in front of his mother's grave, tears silently streaming down his pale face. Hide stood beside him in silence giving his friend time and space. They were both dressed in black mourning clothes and Saiko would have cooed at how adorable they look in any other situation.

Her heart clenched when she saw the utter heartbreak and sorrow on Kaneki's little face. He didn't deserve this , he's only a little child. Her eyes stung with sympathetic tears , she just had an overwhelming urge to grab the child and wrap him up in a blanket and protect him from the world. She smiled sadly as she watched Hide tentatively hold Kaneki's hand and run his thumb over the other boys knuckles.

'Shouldn't he be happy?' Mutsuki questioned from behind her. Saiko shot them a questioning look. 

' she treated him like dirt when he was alive' . Mutsuki explained futhur ' Shouldn't he feel relieved that he wont be treated like that any more?' Mutsuki looked genuinely confused as she looked at the dark haired child. 

Saiko found herself shaking her head in disagreement. 

'You need to remember no matter how adorable and mature he looks in that suit , he is a child. He won't think about it the way we would. He probably thinks what happened with his mother is normal and it was obvious he still loved her. And I think she could have literally changed to a last level boss and he'd still see her as the best thing ever. She was his mother' Saiko said in an uncharacteristically wise tone.

 

Urie looked slightly surprised at the insight before he looked back at the children ,already disinterested. Mutsuki just kept looking confused. 

 

Kaneki started to sob and allowed Hide to pull him into a comforting hug. A few minutes of Hide comforting his friend he a whispered a soft ' I'm sorry Neki but we need to go, your aunt is waiting and we know what she's like when she's kept waiting.' Kaneki nodded and allowed Hide to led him to the gate of the cemetery where the woman from the earlier dream was waiting for them.

 

The scene changed again and the Q squad found themselves in what was like a reel of film. The scenes went by incredibly quickly, Kaneki growing older slowly. The reel stopped to show a slightly older Kaneki coming home with an aced class test and showing it proudly to his aunt. His aunt smiled seemed force as she praised the young child. 

 

The scene flashed again to an almost identical situation. Kaneki showed his aunt another one of his perfect tests but the response this time was completely different . The woman smirked a cruel smile before ripping the test into pieces and throwing into the bin. Kaneki's face fell in horror as his hard work was literally being thrown away.

 

' Your just like your mother' she sneered ' think your better then everyone, you think you can come into my house and upstage my son? Just go to your room'. She walked out of the tiny kitchen ignoring the boy's face crumble.

 

The scene changed to show Hide and Kaneki picking through the rubbish bags outside. Kaneki's eyes red and puffy. Hide reaches into one of the black bags pulling out a volume of books.

 

'That bitch!' Hide growled angrily as he tried his best to clean off the books 'what right does she have for throwing YOUR mother's books away! It's not like your a bad kid that deserves punishment. You work so hard Neki, and she doesn't even try and pretend that she cares!' Kaneki didn't reply just continued searching for his precious books.

 

'Maybe I deserved it' he finally whispered underneath his breath, Hide didn't hear it but Saiko did. This is horrible she thought and she couldn't help a tear from slipping out. 

 

The scenes flickered very quickly almost disorientating the Quinx, it showed early teens Kaneki in an empty kitchen with only a few slices of bread and cheese left for his dinner then it changed to only a slice then to a few coins left to barely buy anything. The scene fixed on Kaneki with his handful of yen coins . He looked about 15 or 16 he had grown into a handsome young man but his shoulders slumped down with the stress of the world. 

 

His face looking haggard , his clothes too big and very tattered looking. Saiko couldn't handle this, it's just too sad and unfair. Her Maman deserved better because she knows now no matter what anyone says. The look on that teens face is a look she's seen when Maman thinks he's alone. Experiencing too much for a lifetime. 

 

The other Quinx glanced at each other then back to Saiko wondering why she was sobbing so openly over a child she doesn't know. Oh how wrong they were. 

 

The last segment of the dream showed a crowded group of teens all standing in front of a board presumably in school. The crowd thinned showing an almost adult Hide and Kaneki looking frantically at the board. 'Yes!! Neki we got in!' Hide shouted with excitement and jumped on his friend in a bear hug almost sending them tumbling to the ground. 

 

'We got into Kamii!!' Hide shrieked triumphantly and Saiko saw the first true smile she ever saw on Kaneki's face. 

 

'Yes we did it' he sighed grabbing on to the back of Hide's jacket and burrowing his face in his shoulder. 'Now you can finally move out' Hide whispered, relief colouring his voice. 

 

The scene faded away and Saiko woke up in her bed, listening to the birds outside. She felt emotionally wrecked but at least it wasn't for nothing. She definitely knows that her Maman is the same dark haired boy. Her instincts have never failed her before. All she needed to do was to get him to admit it ; which is going to be the hard part. 

 

She rolled out of bed , shed off her death note Pyjamas and pulled on her CCG uniform. She tided herself up before grabbing a melon bread from the kitchen and following the other two out of the door. The Quinx seemed to have a silent agreement to meet later in the same room as the other dream to discuss it. None of them in the mood to discuss it that morning. The other two looking almost as drained as Saiko felt. 

 

The day passed by as slowly as usual, the CCG were gearing up to raid an island that Aogiri tree has known to be based on. Saiko can feel the tense atmosphere in the Office and she didn't like it. After her squad was debriefed on their role on the operation and that new Quinx members will come into their team. Saiko was excited yet nervous about this.

 

She just needed a break and she wondered around CCG with Mutsuki and Urie on either side of her discussing the preparation for the upcoming raid. 

When she smelled that scent and without even a second thought chased after that (delicious) scent ignoring the bewildered looks and shouts her team mates sent after her.

She rounded the corner and saw the man himself , The Black Reaper. He paused looking at her and she stared at him suddenly unsure what to say to him. 

She looked at his clear grey eyes and softly called him 'Maman'.

'Saiko' he replied politely but Saiko can detect a hint of sadness in his tone.

Suddenly she had no clue what to say to him, what can you say? Oh I think the CCG manipulated you and your real name is Kaneki Ken. 

The two shifted around awkwardly before Sasaki said a bland 'I'm sorry but I'm very busy, I'll talk to you later ' he turned his back on her about to walk in the direction he came from. 

No....No she thought, she couldn't let him go that easy she has to know, needs to know. She cares about him too much.

'I know who Kaneki Ken really is!' She shouted after him. He froze to the spot and tensed like a statue.

He started to turn around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy it, saiko's thoughts were so hard to write. She always seemed to me like a character who knows a lot more then what it seems, so that it why I decided for her to figure out Haise sasaki's true identity.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saiko wants answers.

He turned fully facing her. His face a perfectly blank mask of indifference. Saiko felt her breath hitch with nerves already regretting opening her big mouth.

He raised an eyebrow , 'Oh, who is that?'

Wait ....what? Saiko mused to herself ; Was I wrong? The two stood not a foot away from each other, the tension thick in the air.

The man's face remained blank , like a solid statue ; carefully controlled.

A perfect weapon Saiko shuddered, his eyes boring into her. She felt her heart rate pick up as her gaze was frozen on those hard steel eyes . She took a step back involuntary as a dark oppressive Aura came from the man in front of her.

Danger, ! I need to get out of here or he'll kill me. Saiko's thoughts raced through her head, her heart clenching painfully in her chest, an animalistic fear nestled in her . Is this really Maman? The thought momentarily distracted her from the intimidating man in front of her. She hasn't even thought about it, if her Maman got his memories back as Kaneki Ken .....then what will become of Haise Sasaki? Her stomach plummeted, will her Maman die forever, did he ever exist. Her eyes filled with unshed tears. Sasaki's face's softened slightly and opened his mouth taking a step closer to the small girl.

The sounding of footsteps behind Saiko made her turn ; watching her two team mates coming up the corridor towards the them. Sasaki closed his mouth again in a firm line before turning to leave. He stiffly walked a few steps before stopping and sending hesitant glances back at her before walking down the corridor and disappeared like a ghost.

Saiko stood frozen in the hallway not sure what she should think after that encounter. She couldn't tell if she wanted to cry in frustration or laugh at the almost cheesy film scene they just played out . Urie and Mutsuki caught up to her, Urie with his usual foul expression and Mutsuki having a fake look of concern on her face. But Saiko could see anger and ....jealously underneath that mask. Why is she so mad? Saiko thought to herself.

'What did he want?' Urie growled glaring at the spot Sasaki was at only moments ago.

'Nothing' Saiko lowered her head her face turned towards the floor. ' I just wanted answers about why he won't come home ' her voice broke , she bit her lip to keep it from trembling.

Mutsuki started to awkwardly rub her arm , a real look of sadness crossing her features 'I don't know why he won't come back Saiko' She whispered.

Urie scoffed before walking down the corridor, leaving the others to catch up. ' I'm hungry let's go home' he said dismissively in their general direction.

After the squad wandered home after a late night grab at McDonald's . Saiko had hardly spoken a word, her whole family was falling apart and there was nothing she could do to stop it. She was useless at trying to prevent Shirazu's death and she couldn't stop Maman from running away ....again. Just like Kaneki Ken did from his own past. Urie had grown more and more irritable as the silence rose on their walk home. Mutsuki cast weary glances at both of them.

The three of them stepped into the chateau and Urie led their little band into the sitting room before rounding around to face Saiko and crossing his arms. His face a mix of concern and irritation .

'Saiko-' he began before he stopped mid breath. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and he pitched forward banging his temple on the corner of the coffee table. 'Urie!' Saiko squealed moving forward before a sudden blackness came over her. The last thing she was aware of was her hip banging painfully against the wooden floor and her chest landing on Urie's back.

The familiar dull grey greeted her as before ,like all the other dreams that plagued the squad. The grey started to fizzle out until a clearer picture appeared. Just like when your Netflix account is acting up and doesn't play in perfect quality at the start of a video.

Saiko blinked quickly and rubbed at her eyes . She glanced down at her tiny body to make sure it's all there , hey don't judge if you were transported to lala dreamland with no explanation ; damn right your going to make sure all your limbs are still attached. She heard a soft groan from behind her and turned to find Urie sprawled out on the ground . He looked like a cockroach that had just been squashed with his limbs twitches slightly.

Saiko swallowed her giggle rising in her throat and found Mutsuki already on her feet facing away from Saiko with her arms crossed tightly over her chest . Saiko pretended not to notice Mursuki's fingernails dig into the soft flesh of her upper arm. Instead deciding to torture her beloved Urie until the dream comes into proper focus.

'Uuuuurie' she sang softly , crouching beside his still slumbering body on the ground .

' Urie it's time to get up ' she grinned a Cheshire grin and tickled his sides. He groaned and tried to twist away from her offending appendages .

'But dad, I don't want to go to school' he moaned , before breaking into hysterics suddenly wide awake because Saiko had hit the tickle spot jackpot . His face tried to go for its natural resting pissed off face, but Saiko can not be stopped so easily. She was going to see a smile god dammit !

He twisted on to his back his palms braced to get up but found his wrists pinned to the ground by two kagune and a pocket sized girl sitting on his lower stomach , effectively pinning him down. And he melted like a puddle .....tears streaming down his face and laughs pouring out of his chest.

'Get off me right now!' He screamed twisting his hips to release her grip. ' sa--hahaha-iko....please hahaha I'll kill you if you don't get off right now!!' Saiko ignored him having the time of her life.

'When you are done, it seems like we are in the 20th ward' Mutsuki growled out, distracting Saiko and giving Urie the chance to knock her on her ass. God that really hurt ! Mean Urie.

She climbed to her feet and looked around finding that Mutsuki was right. Saiko hasn't been to this ward in a long time and even she could tell it was, the atmosphere was so peaceful . They were standing outside a small cafe named 'Anteiku' . On either side of the relevantly quiet street trees lined up side by side . The orange and yellow leaves gently ruffled by the soft warm wind blowing.

Saiko turned to press her face into the glass window of the small cafe and cupping her eyes to see better, her breath fogging up the glass . She immediately spotted the mysterious man that has been on her mind the past few days. Well.....he is sitting right beside the window she thought .

And indeed there he was, Kaneki Ken in his knitted jumper glory with a book open in his hand. She examined him for a few minutes, he is older then he was in the last dream....maybe 18 or 19. He has a much healthier weight then when he was younger ; giving him a healthy red glow and slightly chubby cheeks that makes him look so much younger. His eyes were wide and clear with nearly visible bags under his eyes. He was wearing a real smile on his face and was facing his best friend Hide.

She turned to Hide, he looked unchanged his hair reflective of his sunny personality as did the blinding bright Jersey and headphones hanging around his neck. He was talking excitedly about something with hand gestures to match. Saiko couldn't help but let a fond smile cross her face before opening the door and entering the cafe with the others behind her.

She decided to chose the table right behind the boys to hear them better without standing right beside then. It's a little weird ....right? Kaneki and Hide sat in companionable silence as they sipped their coffee and Kaneki finished off the last of his muffin that lay on a plate beside him. Saiko glanced at Urie as Kaneki stuffed it into his mouth messily .

'I thought you said he was a ghoul?' Saiko whispered sarcastically , Urie's expression soured. Mutsuki coughed into her elbow to hide the smirk that snaked on to her face . Saiko felt very proud of herself and wasn't afraid to show it with the wide grin plastered on her face. The Tv was blaring a report on a nearby ghoul attack.  
'The binge eater' Urie murmured, 'The aqua building was the binge eaters last kill before disappearing .'

Saiko was never more glad for his kiss ass ways or else they never would have figured that out. She turned her attention to the boys again and picked up that the attack was the topic of their conversation .

'Do ghouls really exist? Beings that eat human flesh ?' Kaneki questions with slight fascination in his voice.

Hide snorted 'Of course they do, they say they look just like us and hide in plain sight'

'I wonder what they look like.' Kaneki pondered ; taking a few sheets of paper from his school bag and sliding a few over to Hide with a pen . The two started drawing with Hide finishing first and waiting patiently for his friend to finish . Kaneki turned to show his masterpiece, depicting a hideous monster while Hide drew a picture of Kaneki . Saiko chuckled at that ; if she was right about Maman and Kaneki the irony is amazing .

The other two ignored their teammate thinking she was giggling about nothing ....as usual. The two friends continued to chat, Kaneki's face getting redder and redder by the minute when the topic of his mystery crush came up. It's so cute!!! She just wanted to squeal in adoration just awwwww look at that cute face.

And then she came in.

She was gorgeous was the only word to describe her and the whole squad thought the same. Urie can pretend later on that he wasn't staring but Saiko caught him a few times. And well Kaneki ...Kaneki was turning an adorable scarlet, Awww .

'She's out of your league ' Hide huffed stretching his arms over his head.

'What!?' Kaneki screeched looking dejected.

Hide left money on the table before heading to the door . A young waitress with dark hair stopped beside him and listens to his very bad attempts at flirting . She looks very familiar but Saiko couldn't put her finger on it.

'Good luck with your delusions Kaneki!' Hide shouted with a wide grin before ducking out of the door. Kaneki gulped in retaliation before hiding his face behind his book.

Mutsuki stood from her seat to get a better look at the title of the small novel. She sniggered with the most real grin Saiko has ever seen on her face.

'What is it chuckles?' Urie grouches from his seat in the corner. Still obviously annoyed over Saiko's tickling genius. 

Mutsuki nodded to the small beige book clutched lovingly in Kaneki's hands. The title 'The Black Goats Egg' in bold black writing with blood splatters decorating the white background.

'That was one of Sensei's favourites , it was by his favourite author. He would go on and on about how beautiful her writing style was.' Mutsuki paused for a second before clearing her throat and continuing 'It's about a mother who is a serial killer and her only son knows she is a serial killer and he has to cope with that knowledge. But ....' a slight sick smile crossed momentarily on her face. Saiko and Urie glanced at each other, worry worming it's way into their hearts before turning their attention back to Mutsuki.

' The son can't handle his own desires creeping up on him and he becomes just like his mother. A stone cold killer.' Mutsuki traced the outline of her palm with her index finger , leaving the group in a chilly silence. Saiko felt goosebumps rise on her arm and it had nothing to do with the weather.

Clearing her throat and fidgeting in her seat. She looked towards Urie , pleading him silently to break the oppressive silence pressing down on them. The only sound was the quiet mutters in the almost deserted caffe and the soft flutter of pages being turned . 

But Urie's eyes were on something else, he was staring (again) at the gorgeous young woman with purple hair that Kaneki had a crush on . Saiko followed his gaze , incredibly confused about the odd expression on his face. His eyebrows were scrunched and he was biting his lower lip. Saiko flitted her eyes back and forward between Urie and the subject of his staring .

What's so interesting? Yes she is a beautiful lady but she looks normal enough. Though , she wonders why her Maman would be interested in a girl like her. The woman has long lavender hair and half moon glasses perched on her nose. After the woman finished speaking to the waitress, she took a book out of her handbag. Propping it open , giving Saiko an eyeful of the title.

Saiko actually rolled her eyes at her own stupidity, of course that's why he has an interest. She's reading the same book. He probably had a nerdgasm when he saw that for the first time. Kaneki glanced up shyly at the girl and blushed when their eyes met and averted his attention back to his book to try and hide his face. 

After a few moments of him picking up his courage he looked at her again ; noticing her smiling gently at him before coming over to talk to him. The dream changed again and they were now in a cosy book shop .Kaneki and the lavender haired girl were browsing the selves; whispering and giggling to each other.

'Awwwww they're on a date!' Saiko squeaked clapping her hands together excitedly .

' Yeah it looks like it. He looks so happy ' Mutsuki mused with a little smile on her face seemly to be out of her weird mood. I'll have to ask her about that Saiko pondered .

'Awww they are so cute and they both like books.' Saiko beamed 'but I was hoping that Hide and him would get together' she finished with a pout.

' Saiko let him have his own love life without you dictating it for him' Mutsuki said quietly patting her back. Urie said nothing his eyes still fixed on the girl .

'Something isn't right ' he whispered under his breath.

' You say something?' Saiko tossed her hair behind her shoulder. He shook his head distractedly before turning his attention forward again. The rest of the date seemed normal enough. After the book store , the two made their way to a restaurant were they discussed their favourite books and of course lots of stories about Hide. Speaking of the bright haired boy, Saiko couldn't help but laugh out loud when Kaneki's phone went off with the name 'Sunshine' on the display. The squad then watched in amusement as Kaneki tried desperately to explain himself .

Though later on the girl named Rize seemed to not be feeling well , she barely ate anything Saiko noted with a sympathetic frown. Urie's eyes narrowed further also taking note of the half eaten sandwich but said nothing.

The Quinx followed behind the pair as they made their way down the darkening Tokyo streets. The two stopped as tears filled Rize's eyes.

'What's wrong?' Kaneki asked his soft grey eyes sparkled with concern.

'It's just that ....the attacks are really close to where I live.'

'you mean the ghouls?'

Rize nodded 'and I'm just ...just'

'Hey I'll walk you home . I'd be a pretty bad date of I didn't even do that' he smiled sheepishly at her.

Saiko awed at the cuteness.

'She smiled' Urie announced. Saiko scrunched her forehead in confusion , why would she smile? Must be a trick of the light. She brushed it off and the Quinx continued their pursuit of the young couple. The pair turned into a dark alley.

'Ohh this looks just likes an anime I watched' Saiko began sounding dramatic 'look see they are going to be mugged but the Kaneki will save the day then she'll fall in love with him and then they will live happy ever after!' Mutsuki didn't look impressed . Well in all honesty she was nervous, Saiko could feel like something wasn't right but it seemed like no one understood her amazing sense of humour.

She noticed that Urie wasn't beside her any more and looked behind her to see him a few paces away; glaring behind him.

' Something wrong?'

'Hmm nothing' he growled out before walking towards them again.

Kaneki and Rize were facing each other, Rize's face pressed up in his shoulder. The Quinx were too far away to hear what was being said.

Kaneki's face lit up in pure joy before it turned into a grimace of pain . He stumbled away from Rize falling to the ground, clutching his bleeding shoulder tightly. Alarmed Saiko ran forward , confused at how he got the wound . Until she turned to Rize to see if she was hurt too, but instead found her mouth covered in blood and two shining blood red eyes staring hungrily at the cowering boy behind Saiko.

Saiko froze in shock She's a ghoul....... Oh my god she's a ghoul! She freaked. She automatically crouched in front of Kaneki , shielding him with her body and tried to release her kagune. Nothing happened. She clawed at her back, 'no no please , please not now I can't be useless again!' She screamed in frustration .

Before being yanked out of the way by Urie and he shook her hard .

'We are in a dream! We can't save him . He's already as good as dead!' Urie yelled at her. Her eyes filled with tears as she shook her head in frustration trying to pull herself out of his grip.

Kaneki had already picked himself off the ground and was sprinting down the road , screaming at somebody to help him. A red pulsing kagune wrapped itself around his leg and pulled him sharply. His head collided with the ground with a loud crunch ; his vision going black for a few seconds.

He crawled backwards trying to ignore the blood drying on the side of his face. Rize stalked forward grinning a sadistic grin, licking her lips in anticipation. She growled softly as he backed away further, his hand nudging a pen lying on the ground.

He grabbed it and stabbed the pen into the red appendage .

'Let go you monster!' He screeched ; distracting her long enough to get to his feet and dart away.

But it was already too late.

'Game over' Urie said sadly his grip still stopping Saiko from trying to storm in and help.

Kaneki screamed in agony as a kagune burrowed it's way through his stomach and out the other side. Breaking bones like they were made out of paper and pushing and twisting organs the wrong way. Blood spurted out of his mouth and his eyes rolled into the back of his head. He slumped against the wall utterly defeated; his doom cackling to herself as she came closer.

'NOOOO RUN , GET UP KANEKI AND RUN!' Saiko screamed in pure panic ; biting Urie's hand to release her. She ran forward knowing full well that Kaneki was going to die and there was nothing she can do about it. She must have been wrong Maman can't be Kaneki Ken if Kaneki is going to end up as just another corpse in the CCG morgue.

'Saiko, look out!' Urie screamed. Pushing her out of the way just as steel beams fell from above ; crushing the female ghoul underneath. Saiko looked up to see a silhouette of a person standing on top of the building.

The dream changed for a third time showing the Quinx the inside of an operating room with Kaneki lying on the table with a very stressed surgeon over him.

' I'll take responsibility , it's his only chance! We have to transplant the organs from her into him.' The doctor huffed .  
Saiko was still in Urie's tight grip and she felt his grip tighten as her heart plummeted . Judging by Mutsuki's sour expression she guessed too. They all had similar surgery's not so long ago.

The scene changed once more to show a very sickly looking Kaneki sleeping in a hospital bed with a gas mask tapped to his face. The Quinx watched his eyes snap open. Saiko sniffed in horror; she never hated being right so much in her life. 

One of his eyes stayed their normal gorgeous grey and the other the dark tell tall sign of a ghoul's Kakugan.

She was ripped out of the dream suddenly , finding herself on the sitting room floor. She noticed the others starting to stir and the burning itching in her eye.

She ran up to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Her eye also activated , the exact same eye as Kaneki Ken's. She also noticed her kagune out from her earlier attempts at trying to release it.

What was she going to do know? There's almost no doubt in her mind . She was distracted when she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket .

We need to talk. Meet me tomorrow at 10 o'clock in room 15 before the pre operations meeting.

Mutsuki had to leave the chateau that night in order to investigate the claim that Aogiri tree are hiding on Rue island. Saiko and Urie went to bed .

But Saiko was too anxious about the meaning behind the text to sleep . Realizing she should answer and thus sealed her death wish.

Ok see you then!! Xx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IF your confused at how I address Mutsuki's gender, saiko knows she is a girl and uses 'her' but Urie doesn't know and therefore uses 'he'. And I have a feeling I'll be sticking to mostly Saiko chapters but I don't mind doing Urie or other characters when it suits.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saiko has a meeting scheduled.

Saiko had been laying in bed, staring at the ceiling for what felt like a lifetime . She just couldn't do it. The thought of getting out of bed and having to deal with all that Information from last night made her want to jump out the window .

She moaned and rolled over onto her side. Curling herself in a little ball of blanket protection . She groaned out loud at the thought of her planned meeting this morning.

With the abrupt departure of Mutsuki going to Rue Island, Saiko thankfully didn't have to discuss the lightning dream. But neither of her squad members were stupid , if they haven't figured it out already.

She wasn't sure what she should do, it wasn't like her to keep big secrets to herself and not solve the problem head on. But this was way too serious for that, her life is on the line. She grumpily got out of bed and got herself ready for the day. Mentally preparing herself for her first of many obstacles today, eating breakfast with Urie Kuki.

She tip toed down the stairs avoiding the creaky spots in the 2nd step. She peeked into the kitchen to find Urie already sat there; with a bowl of soggy Cornflakes in front of him. He glanced up as Saiko made her own breakfast. His cat like eyes following her every movement before looking disinterested and returning focus to the chipped bowl in front of him. 

She pretended not to notice and finished buttering her toast and taking the seat opposite him. The silence was deafening. Only the quiet crunches from Saiko's toast giving the least bit of relief. The air grew thick with the uncomfortable silence, Saiko fidgeted uncomfortable as the silence stretched. 

She dusted off her breakfast quickly highly aware of Urie's sharp gaze on her face. "

Saiko..... We are close colleagues, right?" Urie's soft voice fluttered behind her.

Saiko could hear alarm bells ringing in her head . What the hell? What kind of question is that? Colleagues ? I think you mean friends not colleagues kookie .

She looked up to him to see him gaping at her from across the table. She could feel the blood rush to her face and clamped her hands over her mouth. NO SHE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT OUT LOUD. Urie's face held a similar rosy hue mirroring hers .

"Well thats umm good I guess?" He coughed slightly and regained his composure.

He cast his once again steely gaze on to her.

"Why didn't you tell us?" He asked watching her every move .

Saiko felt a lump forming in her throat . She plastered a quizzical expression on her face , trying to play off what he was implying .

"What do you mean Kookie Wookie?" She leaned over the table to pinch his cheek playfully.

He rips his face out of her grasp and bangs his fist hard against the table making her jump back in surprise .

"I'm not fucking joking Saiko, do you have any idea how serious this is!" He shouts standing up to tower over her.

Saiko mimicked the action causing her chair to clatter to the floor at the sudden movement . "Of course I do" she replies irritated, what kind of fool did he think she was. "But getting angry won't solve anything" a steely edge entered her usually upbeat voice.

It was unlike her to be so ....stern. But she has a bad feeling about the whole situation. She's had it for a while since the first dream . The ever daunting question of 'why is this happening?' Had filtered through her brain. With that question came a sense of foreboding.

She can't let anyone else know about Maman because it's not just about him ; but the implication that the CCG is rotten to the core. And Urie knew it too .

He was just as scared as she was. 

The two stared at each other before Urie turned away huffing in frustration. He ran his hand through his dark hair , his clothes in a dishevelled state. Saiko watched him warily before deciding she's better get to the planned meeting. She needed Urie to cool off anyway .

She made it to the front door and pulled on her white standard dove coat. She looked over her shoulder at the soft patter of feet that had followed her. She met Urie's eyes, she felt her heart shrivel at the sight of him.

He looked like he'd gained 20 years, his face looked sunken and his already dark bags were nearly hanging off of his face.

"Your meeting him aren't you?"He asked .

"Yes" she said clearly; not a hint of fear in her voice.

She watched as his mouth twisted in displeasure but he didn't say anything .

"I want to know Kookie, no I need to know. " she glanced back at the door, new determination filling her tiny heart "I need to know if he knew."

She heard Urie retreat back into the kitchen not replying to her statement. She smiled slightly, even though he doesn't like it . He is on her side.

She picked up her silver case that stood obediently by the door and said a goodbye to Urie and walked into the deserted street. She made her way to HQ , her heart beat roaring in her ears. She could almost feel her arteries pump the blood around her body as she dragged her ragged breath in .

She walked with quick steps up the cold marble steps into the lobby of the looming building. She glanced around nervously out of habit as if all the other agents could sense the Quinx's dirty little secret. Her brain whispered to her in panic that everyone knew, everyone was staring. 

She felt like a criminal.

But of course no one knew of the events that had occurred the previous night. Unbeknownst to her, there had been no update from the team sent on reconnaissance to Rue Island. The agents all sat in a large meeting room in silence, rapping the table with their finger nails impatiently.

The Black Reaper seminally bored carefully drew a name with his finger onto the table over and over again. Matsuri watched him distrustfully from across the table ; his dislike for the man apparent by the small curl in his thin lips. The Reaper paused his actions at the feeling and glanced up at the man; allowing a small cruel smile cross his face making sure the older man could see it. He returned his gaze back to the table resuming his tracing. Feeling the older man bristle from the interaction. The room remained in silence.

Elsewhere Saiko made her way to the meeting place. She placed her case on the empty table and took a seat preparing for the agonising wait. She felt her pulse match the slow ticking of the clock as it hung over the door.

Tick tok  
tick tok

The door opened slowly making Saiko's eyes widen slighty. And in came the one and only Black Reaper, Haise Sasaki, Ken Kaneki, centipede,Eye patch. The familiar fear came again to Saiko just as the day before but the bravery that had come in a spurt was no where to be seen.

Yesterday she was sure that the man that now stood before her was her Maman but now with the lightning dream as confirmation. She wasn't sure, he wasn't her reliable Maman or the adorable book worm Kaneki Ken was but something else entirely. He looked broken and cruel, an air of a man that would stop at nothing to get rid of anyone in his way.

Saiko watched him with wide innocent eyes as he closed the door behind him and strode into the room. He sat down opposite her and quickly scanned her. She looked away her fear making her rooted to the spot suddenly unsure if this was a good idea.

"Do you fear me as well Saiko?" He suddenly asked, she jumped looking back to his face and seeing a sad expression cross his face for a split second before becoming blank again.

"That doesn't matter though at the moment" he clamped his hands together "I'm here as your former head to tell you about your new squad members that will be joining you in a few days time".

Saiko blinked owlishly at him, her fear overcome by confusion. Really that's it? he's going to ignore what happened yesterday?

"What?"

"I'm sorry that I'm informing you so late but other matters came up" he scratched his chin briefly and looked up to see Saiko smiling widely at him.

He spluttered slightly at her expression before sending her a half irritated gaze.   
"What's so funny?"

Saiko felt that all her worries although had not been forgotten but had gotten lighter.

"Maman, Don't lie your not sorry at all. You dont want there to be new kids in the Quinx." she teased "You love us too much!"

She felt accomplished as a mini true smile quirked up his lips. And that was all the proof she needed. She reached over and placed her hand on top of his, he tried jerking away but her hands held firm.

"Maman why are you always lying to yourself and us?" she asked quietly.

Suddenly the roles had been reversed and now the Reaper was scared as the truth was told right back to him. He thought that being cold and aloof would keep the kids off of him but he underestimated how well he brought up his team.

And Saiko with her heart of gold and her surprisingly keen senses had sniffed his act out quickly. He hoped that it wasn't the same case for Urie and Mutsuki. He seemed to deflate like a balloon, there was no denying it she knows who I really am he thought .

"I dont know" he replied honestly.

Saiko felt her heart shatter, it was the most honest he has ever been with her.

"Why did you leave Maman?" she asked quietly a faint wobble in her tone.

The question seemed to relight a hidden resolve in him as he straightened up again, though he didn't attempted to remove his hand from her grasp again. Secretly relishing the warmth that spread into his skin.

"I have things I must do Saiko" he said his voice strong with no hesitation. Saiko could almost hear the hidden undertone in those words; people I need to protect .

"Will the CCG approve these things?" she asked her heart racing again.

He gazed at her for a long time debating his answer. "I can't say ."

She nodded in understanding, she was about to ask another question when the door flung open. The panicked CCG agent rushed in his eyes only on the Reaper. The Reaper flung his hands away from Saiko is blank expression pulled onto his face again. The agent took a few glupping breaths before shouting "Associate Special Class, there's news on the Rue Island Operation. Director Washu needs your urgent presence!"

Saiko felt like she wanted to scream as she watched the agent leave and the Reaper getting to his feet. WHAT IS WITH THIS PLACE AND INTERRUPTING IMPORTANT CONVERSATIONS! she fumed in her head. And just like yesterday she uttered a single sentence that made the Reaper stop in his tracks.

"Please Don't die Kaneki" she pleaded "I'll always be on your side."

Both knew in that moment what she had meant and that it meant putting her neck on the line. He stayed silent and left the room, leaving Saiko to worry on her own.

She made her way back to the chateau where Urie was waiting impatiently for her. Panicking internally as he had recieved the news that Saiko had been too distracted to hear. Mustuki has been captured by the enemy.

She had sat quitely on the couch as Urie paced in front of her ranting and raving. Cursing "those good for nothing bastards and that he'll rip them apart". Usually Saiko would have been flooded the sitting room in tears at this time in crises but after her talk with Maman she felt her head was clear.

"Urie" she called, trying to snap him out of his funk. He continued to pace the room , lost in his own anger and self loathing at being unable to protect another member to hear her.

Saiko rolled her eyes and got off the couch, crossing the room to stand in front of him. She wanted to slap him but that would only direct his anger and frustration onto her.

She didn't want to have to do this way but there was no alternative. Urie had turned back to her after completing his pace to the opposite side of the sitting room and was heading towards her.

She waited until he was close enough before placing her hands on his cheeks and cut off his words by placing her lips against his. He stiffened underneath her touch his eyes wide , letting Saiko turn her head and deepen the kiss.

Her eyes closed as she let the feeling of his surprising soft lips caress hers. This will probably be my only kiss with him she thought he's going to hate me after this. She released him and stepped away.

He stared at her dumbfounded before heading towards the door and left the chateau.

Saiko felt like her world was falling apart, she was so stupid of course he'd react that way. She hated the tears that fell down her cheeks in rivets. Hated the way her breath hitched as a sob built in her chest. Hated the way she felt the pang of lonelineness and rejection. She went upstairs.

Got changed into her pyjamas and grabbed the tub of double chocolate ice cream she had been saving for an occasion like this. She stuck on a sad anime , ate her weight in ice cream and fell asleep with tear tracks on her face.

Urie on the other hand was trying to deal with his conflicting emotions as he roamed the deserted streets of the first ward. He felt like an absolute dick, he shouldn't have run away. That's what cowards like Sasaki do, with that thought brought his confuion on that matter as well. If Kaneki Ken is Haise Sasaki and was being used by the CCg agasinst his will. They had a serious problem.

He shivered as a cold breeze brushed against him, reminding him that he had left his coat and suitcase at the chateau. He also failed to notice the pair of red eyes following him from the rooftop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this took so long to update. I've been drowned with work at school. I hope you enjoy it!

**Author's Note:**

> Ok introduction all done, I hope I didn't spell anything wrong and in the next chapter will be that start of the dreams concerning Kaneki's past. please leave a like or comment. I always love stories like this so i just decided to write my own.


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